感覺上一切都要結束了。

雖然什麼都沒提，

但卻感覺到她的不舍。

總以為做好心理准備就不會那麼傷心。

我錯了。

心還是一樣的痛，還是一樣的不舍。

我真不知道該怎麼渡過。

或許本來就是該這麼結束。

畢竟要她面對那一切真的太困難了。

要她放棄的東西太多了。

也許我不該這麼自 私，

要她去面對，去放棄一切。

我知道她是無法做選擇。

就算她以對他沒感覺，

我相信她還是願意跟著他。

我唯一能希望的是他會對她好一點。

只少讓她開心。

或許愛一個人真的不需要在一起。

只要她開心，過得好，

站在遠處也無所謂吧。

很遺憾的說，

唯一結束的方法就是放棄我。

對她也許就是最好的選擇了。

可惜我沒辦法留在她身邊做她的好朋友。

雖然她很希望，可是我始終做不到。

因為我真的愛她太深。

留在她身邊真的太辛苦了。

找到一個你願意付出一切，

全心的愛她，為她而改變真的不容易。

 相信我再也不可能會再這麼深愛任何人了。

 

我該覺得開心才對。

可能因為她的心情，

也可能因為她所有的不確定。

對她而言，這不是個容易的決定。

身為罪魁禍首的我卻只能做旁觀者。

幫不上忙真的讓我感到好無助。

放棄我一直都是最省事的決定。

或許她就不會那麼煩惱，那麼辛苦。

但為了我，她決定走出這步，

我真的會好好珍惜。

無論發生什麼事，這一生就為了她而活吧！

雖然她選擇了我，

但卻高興不起來。

感覺好不真實。

或許是因為她還存著后悔的意思。

如果分手只是兩個字，一切就簡單的多。

我好但心她會承受不了，然后回到他身邊。

 我只能希望她能勇敢一點，解決接下來的問題。

雨停了，

淚也干了，

我能蕭灑得回到從前的樣子嗎？

這感覺彷拂我已經失敗了。

心好痛，

頭好重。

最重要的決定，

我好害怕知道結果。

總覺得我會沒辦法接受。

我不知道到時我該怎麼辦，怎麼承受。

這等待真的讓我快崩潰了。

我真的陷得好深好深。

一個決定，

將會改變一切。

我生命的一切。。。

Never would I thought that I will be in this fix once more.

Even as I told myself not to get into this situation again.

Why can't it be all simple?

It's torturing at times yet I can't let it go.

At times I wonder what am I holding on to?

What am I expecting or what do I really want?

Do I have a place in her heart?

Will things really change in the future?

I feel so lost sometimes, not knowing what she wants and what I want.

I always told myself to keep believing but I just can't help feeling so torturous.

No one knows how this will end, not even myself.

 Probably as I expected......

Maybe we were really not meant to be...

當我覺得我不會再為任何人動心時，她出現了。

可是她卻不是一個人。

這種感覺似曾相似，

我又再一次把自己栽進去。

為什麼每當我真正喜歡一個人時都不簡單。

明明就知道卻還是掉進去。

該守候還是放棄？

我又能守候多久呢？

還是就像以前那樣掉頭走掉？

心裡浮現了好多問號，卻沒答案。

有時真想把一切放下，消失掉，躲在個無人的島嶼。

我就註定要失去愛情嗎？

或許吧。。。

好久沒有這種喜歡人的感覺，

突然讓自己感到很害怕。

為什麼事情不能簡單點呢？

這種似曾相似的感覺，

讓我感到好困擾,

真不知道要如何是好。

我是否只是個她們感情不好時的一代替品？

還是剛好的一個小插曲？

或許結果還是會一樣，

那我又在期待什麼呢？

感覺上我又挖洞給自己跳了。

該開始回避了嗎？

或許吧。。。

Lesson in Life

What do we do when things doesn't go the way we plan?
What do we do if everything seems to be not going right?
Am I chasing an invisible dream or a dream that does not exist?
Every path is a possibility yet it all looks so impossible.
Why am I contradicting myself when this was the path I chose to take?
Life seems like a marathon and what do you do when you hit a wall?
Endure, push and hope everything comes back and comes back stronger.

期望越大，失望就越大
生命，事業，感情，
我們都怎麼看待
相見太晚變成一種無奈
不敢靠太近
只怕自己會情不自盡
或許這就是世上的最遠的距離

A pleasant surprise

What a pleasant start to July. First, my Facebook fan page's "likes" doubles past the 100 mark, then I received an email from OCBC for a collaboration. Good things sure come in pairs.

A collaboration with OCBC is definitely a big step ahead with such a big company doing advertising and promotion would definitely increase my brand awareness. That's the beauty about business, you just do not know when it would boom. I can't say that mine has boom but at least it has somewhat been recognized and moving towards the right direction. Now, it is time to go full speed ahead with all the marketing strategies as they say, strike when the iron is hot.

有時坐下來回看人生，會發現自己其實錯過了很多事情。
我永遠都無法忘記媽媽在臨床前說過的話。
她只希望能活多5年，看我成人出來工作就夠了。
雖然她滿了我很多事，但唯一最放不下的人始終是我。

従前的我很渴望自由。
多希望能不受約束的出去玩啊或幹嘛的。
可是當得到這自由後，卻覺得好像失去了更多。

我覺得我需要過這低潮的人生路程。
因為我相信它會使我變的更懂得珍惜。

tough week

A week ago, I felt a sharp pain at my achilles after a 6.4km run and basketball session.
Thought nothing of it though and went out for a usual run the next day. The pain somehow got worse and I was made to stop after about 6km into my pre-plan 8km run. I was literally limping by then. It took me almost 40mins to walk back.

Back home, I was wondering what went long and how did I get this injury from. Initially thought I could run it off but somehow it got worse. Walking now is hard chore for me. After a couple of days, the pain seem to subside, so I decided to went for a short 4km run in the morning. Atlas, the pain came right back after the run. I finally got my answers from the net. It was an achilles tendonities - a common runner's injury. Inflammation around the achilles tendon causes pain whenever I uses strength to push off my feet. Treatment recommended was ice therapy. Have been treating the injury for a few days. Seem to feel better after these treatments, so I decided to attempt a run to test. It still hurts as I start to push off for the run but it gets better during the run although I still can feel the niggling pain. As I stop my run, I feel the pain getting back. Though not as bad as it was before but the pain was disturbing. I decided to give it another try this morning and as I push off for the first 2 minutes, I stopped. The pain was getting worse now and to prevent form aggravate it further, I decided to stop. You can call it an obsession in running. I wanted to get back to the road so much but had to refrain from doing that now. Cross-training will now be my alternative option until my achilles is fully healed.

Running with Kenyans is an intriguing book about life of the athletics in Kenya. Iten, a small town in Kenya had produced countless of long distance champions. Hundreds of them train everyday, hoping to change their lives. To them, running is not just a sport. It could be a changing point in life. Poverty had forced the talent out of them.

I realized running reflects a lot of our life. To succeed in life requires more dedication and focus. We tend to grow stronger mentally and physically under duress situations. Perhaps putting our lives to a test would strengthen our beliefs and our mind more.

失去的再也回不來

不知怎麼了，這幾天都提不起精神。
好像遇到了人生的撞牆期似的。

總覺得時間真的過得很快。
小時候就這樣東奔西跑過了。
以前渴望的自由沒想到是得付出這麼大的代價。
一切發生得好突然，也結束得好迅速。
轉眼間就這樣過了十年。
彷拂一切都沒發生過，都沒存在過。
我該覺得難過嗎，還是該覺得寂寞。
我従來沒有一個家的滋味，所以我好羨慕每個我去過的家。
有時候心裡真的好難受，但也只能坦然的面對。
雖然如此，我還是覺的我比很多人都辛運。
只少我不必擔心三餐和住宿。

很多人都希望走平淡的路，過著安定的生活。
這十年來，我試著去過那樣的生活就像每個人一樣。
可能我都在等，等一個踏出那一步的勇氣。
或許我不會成功，不會有什麼成就。
但我願意放手一博，試著過不一樣的生活，試著用另一個角度看人生。
畢竟人生是多麼的段暫，多麼的無發預測。
錯過太陽的我，不想再錯過星星了。

J-Craze

After months of preparation, sourcing, wandering in unknown territorials, J-Craze is finally launched. Starting from afresh was never easy and so is success. I never thought of how far I would go in this business but certainly hope I would make best of everything now. This is a milestone in my life, a new experience and a total change of path.

What makes me proud is every part of J-Craze was made by me from scratch. It definitely represents me. From the design of website to every product, I had every hand in it. There are hiccups and delays along the way but I'm glad it turn out the way I want it.

I thank everyone who has been patient and concern about me, even those who belittle me. Criticism won't bring me down, it only makes me work even harder.

As 2011 coming to an end, I ponder upon the past year events.
2012 is going to be different, that is for sure.
I just hope things could go a bit smoother.
Life as it is, never go smoothly according to plans.
But I will get there, some way or another.

Life is about doing what you love and enjoying every part of it.
Making it happen takes time and effort but it's going to be all worth it.
Merry Christmas everybody..

This could be the umpteen times I had probably said but time really flies.
It has been 3 months since I last wrote.
Besides being jobless for the first time in 7 years, I also suffered my worst injury of my life.
The road to recovery was long so is the road of starting afresh.
There are many things in life which you would never foresee no matter how much you have planned.
This could be the hardest time of my life but I believe, in difficulties makes miracles.
When the clouds are gone, the sun will shine again.
Can't wait for things to move on and my life to get started again.

I appreciate those who are concerned about me even though they did not ask.
For those who are following me on this blog, thank you for being a silent listening ear.
Although I had no idea who you people are, but I'm sure you are the ones that care about me most.

Believe..
That's why life is worth living for.

今天讀完了我人生的第一本華文小說。
只能說電影的魔力非同小可。
九把刀是個很會講故事的人。
每一筆幾乎都寫進人的心裡。

我一直都覺得人生不該有任何遺憾。
想做什麼就去做。
人生不就是這樣嗎？
故事精彩不在於結局，而是過程。
這彷拂寫照了我們一生。
盡管我現在站在人生的十字路口，卻不感到畏懼。
我也不曉得未來會怎樣，但我知道這是我想要的生活。
毫無遺憾的向前努力。

時光飛逝， 多兩個禮拜我就正式離開國防部。
這一個月的假期很快過去了。
兩個禮拜的台灣遊，加上這週末的kukup，無煩惱的玩樂告一個段落。
人生即將從新出發。
這段旅程的結果還是個未知數。
但至少我能過我想要的生活。
即使不完美，即使辛苦也是值得的。

我不知道有多少人關注這個部落格，
但我想謝謝你們無形的關心。
天無絕人之路，我不會有事的。

Long time since I last wrote.
It has been an agonizing last month.
I can't seem to understand the rationale behind the decisions made by the higher management these days.
I would have been taken in a year ago but not now.
No way I am going to boast your statistics because of your ridiculous reason.
This is the time when you see the true colours of an organisation and your worth.
It is disheartening to leave in such a manner.
Somehow, these events made me more determined to leave and succeed.
I had never bear thoughts of hatred towards the hand that feed me.
However, these 2 weeks have seen this hand started to slap me for their self-centered targets.
All they ever care was their numbers and goals. Where is the humanity?
Pardon me, if this is the extent you are going to push me, then this will be the extent I am going for.
Do not push a dog to the wall, because it will turn around and bite you.

Taking a big step

As time march towards the end of May, the date gets closer.
I'm getting plenty of mixed feelings.
These 7 years were great experience to me.
I met many people, know most of them and hate some of them.
So, I asked myself, what have I learn during my time in service?
I learn that striving hard and sticking to your principles get you nowhere.
In the end, we are just merely taking instructions from a higher order.
Why succumb to the hands of hierarchy when you have a choice in life?

For the past 1 year, I opened my eyes.
I start to realize that many of my beliefs are drifting away.
In this reality, climbing up the ladder requires more than just strength.
There were times when I thought I could persevere to the end, but it seems that the time has passed.
No longer do I harbor any thoughts of staying.
I could never understand in a non-profitable organization, there are so much struggle for power.
Sad to say, it was not my cup of tea.
My choice to leave at this point of time is not to escape but to forsake the belief I held so strongly.