有時覺得我太為人著想，老是被利用。
真想果斷地拒絕每個要求。
真得很不明白，排好的行程總是會被搞砸。
好悶啊～
作好人是沒用的，有多少會記得。
算了。。不答應也答應了。
下次一定要想清楚先！！

How fast things took a turn in a year.
A change in career path, a change in lifestyle, a total life makeover.
It could have been a spur of moment but I am glad I made the move.
I just don't see myself working for this kind of management.
Hypocritical and manipulative contributes to the worst breed of boss you would ever had.
Sometimes you wonder how people like him survive.
At this level of management, what is exactly in his mind?
Does he really think the world is at his feet?
One day you will wake up and realise that everyone had left.
Maybe then, that will make you to self-reflect.
Only treating people with respect and sincerity will win you their hearts.

ORD time

The day when you have doubts in the capabilities and the decisions of the management becomes the trigger and the motivation to leave the organisation.
It seems to be a sign, pointing towards the 'exit' door.
However, I'm thankful as it helps me to look back in my life and ponder what exactly do i want my life to be and how i should live it.
Enough of those fake and seemingly encouraging words. Those are nothing from your heart.
I do understand the plans of nurturing me to become one of your recallable slaves.
Just too bad that I am not your 'Yes Sir' type.
Get ready for this bomb shell, you never see it coming from me.

Finally here

It's official 2011!!
The year began with a long weekend and 3 consecutive days of raining.
If that were to meant anything at all.
Despite the downpours, 2011 is a year to look forward to.
A year with big changes and great dreams, at least for me.
I guess I am going to start the year with a bang by saying goodbye to the green.
It was a good 7 years but no qualms about leaving. Just a matter of July or August.
Coming next will be of course, the franchise exhibition in Taiwan.
Simply cannot contain the sense of excitement in me.
I never expect to hit it off on the start but I want to give it a try.
Doing something I always wanted and working for myself.
This is a big step in life and I'm glad I'm going to do it.
It's a risk worth taking, especially in my current situation or no burdens.
I hope for the best and plan for the worse.
There is no turning back now.
My only wish, time could just move a little faster...

Welcoming year 2011?

Year 2010 is coming to an end.
Alarming to realise how fast time flies past.
The day of reckoning approached.
Will year 2011 be any different?
I set my sight on leaving but i want to leave with my head held high.
Being in green for the next 20,30 years is just unthinkable.
Life is short and I ain't gonna waste my life in there, working my ass out yet nobody care.
What can they give in return?
Or do they actually appreciate what you have done for the organisation?
This will be a undeniable fact, no one is indispensible.
The only comfort you get is the green you receive every month.
How to work under such leadership?
It may be a moment of rashness.
However, thanks to this rashness, it made me found what i want in my life.
Not a mediocre soldier, nor a punching bag.

The time is near and I can't wait for it...

Looking ahead

As year 2010 comes to the end, a new beginning seems to be beckoning.
I'm both excited and worried about what 2011 will bring.
Although the decision has been made, but no real actions had been done.
No doubt there are many plans in mind, choosing one is not easy.
A noob in business does not help much.
There are so much things to find out, to be planned.
Starting a business is seriously no easy feat, especially when you are alone.
However, that will not stop me.
Building my own empire has always been my dream and it is unbelievable that i am coming so close to realising.
For once, i hope time could move slightly faster.
I like what i am doing now and i felt a great job satisfaction when completing a case.
But this won't take me far, not with this management.
Even if it does, i simply don't see myself in uniform for the rest of my life.

Everything in my life seems to start out slow.
Whether my life, career, anything under the sun. I am a slow starter.
But i always believe in one thing, it does not matter when you start but how you end.
Regardless of what happens in the future, i will not regret for the decision i make.
Frankly speaking, i am looking forward to that day when i leave the SAF head held high.
I may feel reluctant to leave my current team as we had build such a bond despite my short time there.
I had learn a lot, be it in work or life. The only way to bring everybody together is to be transparent to each other. I hope one day, the management could understand.

Decision

It seems that i had made a decision.
Am i so confident to leave to seek for a different life?
How much can i afford to lose?
What are you going to do?

So many people had asked me when they learnt about my decision.
But yet, i could not answer any of them confidently.
Yes, i want to leave.
But what are i going to do?
Striking out on my own had been my goal for the past 2 years.
Now is the time, i suppose.
2 more years and i am going to turn 30.
Of course 30 for a man is still young.
However, if i can start out early, why not.
I seriously had enough of civil service and it's management.
Does anyone ever recognize you for what you work or how much you work?
So what if you are recognized? You don't promote faster and you won't get a pay raise.
That is the reality of government servvice.
Only the best bootlickers survive in.

As much as i understand how much the organization dotes on us, one significant thing does not change - the management.
Unfortunately to say, there is a limit on how far you can go.
Partly the reason is also that i want to experience more of life and not closing the doors to the outside world.
As long you don't step out of the door, you will not know how the world looks like.
It is time for me to take that big leap.
I would take that chance, whether fail or success.
At least i tried and have no regrets..that is the most important in life.

Is there a future?

What would you do if you can see the future?
Do you embrace it or would you attempt to change?
If you know you are going to die tomorrow, what would you have done?

Probably knowing the future may not be a good thing afterall.
Looking around, i know for sure, this is not the life i wanted.
Not that i do not have the quality to stay but the management is the main reason i will not.
It was never difficult to survive in this field.
I just do not understand how some could not.
Perhaps, this is the catalyst for me to leave.
At least i am thinking for myself now. Thinking about what i want in life.

All these events, be it concidence or accidental, has made me a stronger person and a private person whom i had always been.
I would be kidding myself for saying i do not feel lonely.
Loneliness has become part of me.
The blessing in disguise is that i have no burdens of any sort.
I am envious of the people around me.
No doubt about it, i feel alone in this world despite with so many friends who showed their care for me.
For sure, they will not be here forever, they have their lives to live.
I am not being sceptical. Who knows, i would have been dead without anyone knowing.
That is how i perceive the insignificance of myself.
Should i still condone myself in the well or it is time to move out of my comfort zone and embrace life?

Forward is the only way out.
There is no turning back.
Maybe i would one day read this and glad that i had made the move.

Regret

What is life worth living for?
Working for most of your life just to succumb to illness in the end?
Only then most of us will realise that there are so many unfinished business.
So many things that we have missed and we have not done.
We had been victims of life's unpredictabilities and uncertainties, but is there any way of halting any onslaught?
The answer is obvious.
In the eyes of fate, we are merely audience.
There is nothing we can do to change the outcome of the events.
But there are things that we can do.
That is, to make our lives worthwhile.
Frankly speaking, not everybody can live with this ideology.
Or rather, it is of different perceptive for everyone.

Some people are content with their lives as it is.
Having a family and living within means.
Yes, i am not content with what i have now.
Anyone would have been.
Owning a house, have a stable job and would probably own a car if i had wanted to.
Somehow, i felt incomplete.
Perhaps i wanted to do more, to see more, to experience more.
Life is short and I want to make the best out of it.
I cannot imagine having another regret.

I had never forgotten about it.
It still lingers in me and realise it still affect me greatly.
Especially when similar events happening around me.
Flashes of memories became a reminder.
I could have done so much more, say so much more.
She could hardly breathe, let alone see me.
But she still call out to me, for the last time.
It was the last goodbye...

A good 9 years has gone by.
Yet i had not accomplish anything significant.
Time was spent wilfully when it could have been used wisely.
Quarter of century had passed but still figuring out what i want in life.
I felt so lost in life now, emotionally and mentally.

I am not enjoying any bit of it now...

truth or lie?

We are living in a world of lies, no doubt about it.
I assume everyone knows and nobody does not lie.
But why do some of us get affected by such lies so much?
When has lies become so powerful that it not merely affects our state of mind but our lives as well?
When did telling lies become so logical and natural?

Truth is not merely a word now.
Telling the truth seems to be so perplexing.
Some of us just hope for the truth to be spoken even if it hurts.
For what you know, finding out the truth yourself hurts even more.

There is a boundary to that as far as i am concerned.
That one should never lie about feelings or relationship.
If you have no feelings or you already have a relationship, I see no rationale in hiding it.
Be forthcoming and be fair to everybody.
Mending a broken heart is never a walk in the park.
I sincerely still believe that there is a convincing reason.
My ears are wide open for you to feed me the truth.